In my practice as a school counselor, I routinely ask students to rate their reactions to an experience using a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being the lowest score and 10 being the highest. Their answers typically provide a good gauge for me to help nurture growth as they move forward.
This practice naturally carried over into my parenting and worked pretty well to assess situations until our middle child was in middle school. I noticed that he would never give anything a 10. When I asked him about that, he told me (in a tone that told me I should already know this), “Mom, nothing can ever get a 10 because nothing’s perfect.” I found that so enlightened coming from a child who, in first and second grade, would erase holes in his paper trying to perfect his work. As he matured, he had learned that there’s a huge difference between a healthy striving for excellence and the plague of perfection.
In his book Freeing Our Families from Perfectionism, Dr. Thomas S. Greenspon explains that “Perfectionism is relational. . . . Perfectionists have an underlying fear that they won’t be acceptable to someone if they don’t do well enough. They’re constantly trying to excel in order to win the approval and love of other people.”
Similarly, author Brené Brown says that she calls perfectionism a “20-ton shield” because it pretends to provide protection from disappointments, failures, and hurt. But, she was quick to add, what it really keeps us from is “being seen.” This echoes what I’ve found in my work and life experiences—that the fear behind perfectionism seriously limits authenticity, transparency, connection, and growth. (Read More)
See the compete original article at : https://freespiritpublishingblog.com/2016/04/18/5-ways-to-help-children-with-perfectionism-find-balance/