Why Intimate Sex Is the Key to a Successful Relationship - Wholesome Life Journal

Why Intimate Sex Is the Key to a Successful Relationship

What do you think of when I say “Intimate Sex”?

Is it a certain position or state of mind you have when being sexual?

Have you ever been told you have “Intimacy Issues” or do you feel a lack of so called intimacy in your relationship?

I think I have the answer to your question, what are the keys to opening up the channels of better connection, better attachment and better intimacy with your partner?

Knowing how to have intimate sex.

Think of intimacy on a continuum, on one side is your closed self, on the other end is your open self.

On the closed side, you are disconnected and shut down.  Think eyes closed and holding your breath during lovemaking.  You aren’t inhaling in the scent of your partner, you might be thinking negatively about them, your mind is someplace else, not oriented to this moment in front of you.

You are tense, stressed and cold. Disconnected.

On the other end of the continuum is your open self.

Your open self is connected with another, your mind open, your eyes open, looking into the soul of the other person.  You are breathing in their scent, tasting their aroma, focused on presently what’s in front of you, thinking positive thoughts, not in anxiety about how you look, smell, taste or feel.

You are relaxed, warm and open.  Connected.

Now think about the concept of open or closed intimacy.  Think of the last time you were sexual with another person.  Certainly, you can be open or closed sexually when you self-pleasure, but we are focusing on “partner sex” for this moment. Increasing intimacy with another person.

Now image what it could do for your sexual relationship if you brought the qualities listed above to the equation.  Having a mindset and an aura of openness and relaxation aid in the bonding process during sex and make the experience a more quality one.  Good sex can be like a glue that holds a relationship together in times of stress.  Having sex be “tension reducing” and relaxing rather than “tension producing” and stressful will aid in the intimacy bond and the quality of the connection.

So much so that some couples report that good sex can bridge the distance gap in times of stress, such as during the child rearing years.  Good sex is free, adds longevity to your lifespan, is excellent for your cardiovascular health and can contribute to a sense of calm and inner peace.

So what do you do if you find yourself on the closed side of the intimacy spectrum? How do you work towards having a more intimate sexual relationship with your partner?

You can do several things to begin promoting change.

First, you have to accept that you are a sexual being and that you deserve intimacy, sex, pleasure and connection in your life.  Feeling shameful, worried or negative towards sex will only promote that frame of mind.  If you need support to shed that belief try taking with a AASECT Certified Sex Therapist to help you work through your feelings in a supportive setting.

Second, you have to believe that sex and sexual pleasure is something that should happen for you and not for anybody else. Sex is not a servicing activity in which you are solely there to pleasure someone else.  Sex is an activity that you do for you. Believing that you deserve sexual pleasure and sexual satisfaction in your life are cornerstones for being able to achieve intimate sex.

Next, we need to talk about your   One of the keys to intimate sex is having an orgasm most of the time.  Now keep in mind that about 10-15% of the time, naturally occurring sexual dysfunction may occur.  Usually this is caused by being too tired, maybe being too stressed, possible too much to drink, maybe anxiety, etc.  Point being, in order to really connect with having intimate sex you need to allow your partner to pleasure you and you need to be willing to make your pleasure a part of the sexual experience.

To read more please follow : https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/save-your-sex-life/201608/why-intimate-sex-is-the-key-successful-relationship

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