Fear will surface in your relationship. I’m sorry, but it’s true. It’s crucial for you to understand this if you’re going to be successful in love.
When we don’t realize that it’s normal to feel scared, insecure, doubtful and off-center with the people we love, our minds begin to doubt the relationship as a whole. When we equate challenges with something being wrong, we’ve missed the mark on what relationships are all about.
In a Return to Love, Marianne Williamson equates romantic relationships to earning a PhD in love. She says, “When we’re not in a relationship, the ego makes it seem as though all the pain would go away if we were. If the relationship lasts, however, it will actually bring much of our existential pain to the surface. That’s part of its purpose. It will demand all of our skills at compassion, acceptance, release, forgiveness, and selflessness.”
Once your heart says “yes,” you better believe monumental challenges are on their way. This is the point! Love brings our fears (feelings such as doubt, rejection, jealousy, anger, frustration, and confusion) forward so we can set them right.
Unfortunately, most of us get stumped. Why? Because we collectively adhere to the delusion that relationships should be blissful all the time.
We know that relationships take work, but let’s be honest, we secretly think they shouldn’t be hard. Therefore when they are, we usually point the finger at our partners and miss the opportunity to face the fear that exists within ourselves.
As a disclaimer, I don’t support remaining in abusive relationships. However, believing the idea that something’s wrong with your relationship if it’s challenging is a disservice to you, and to the greater movement of love. Instead, I’m going to tell it like it is: you’ll face your greatest challenges within your greatest love relationships.
Our true loves have the potential to bring us to the heights of happiness and the depths of pain. This is what makes romantic love the pinnacle of all experiences! This is why it’s so revered.
And this is also why it’s so hard.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe relationships are meant to feel fantastic a lot of the time. There’s nothing more blissful than being deeply connected with another person. Just don’t forget the rest of the story: the more connected you are, the more your fears are going to get stirred up.
Let me give you an example from my own relationship.
I have an undeniable soul-connection with my partner. The depth of love I feel for him is truly profound. And, the amount of fear that surfaces in our relationship is pretty profound, too.
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