I date women, but I’m a reliably sympathetic ear for my straight women friends when they complain about the men in their lives.
And it’s hard out there, from what I hear.
I’ve watched a lot of powerful, badass women get into relationships with dudes who treat them badly, and it’s wearing them out. To find no-strings-attached sex, you might have to sift through a lot of garbage and risk a flood of dick pics.
Even if you find a dude who says he’s a feminist, he might be lying to get laid. It’s enough to make you want to give up on men entirely.
But maybe you’ve found someone you really like. Maybe he raises chickens or charms your mother or laughs at your puns. Maybe he even does the work to support feminism publicly and with his friends.
He still might have a hard time practicing feminism in your relationship, day-to-day, because he likely grew up in a patriarchal culture that told him he could do no wrong.
So, what does feminism look like in a relationship? How can you foster a healthy, supportive partnership with someone of any gender?
The following guidelines, though of course not intended to be comprehensive, are a good starting point.
1. Continually Ask For Consent
I’ve lived in a tragic bind for the last decade, which is that I’m a lesbian who loves tits, but I’m also attracted to masculine folks who frequently don’t enjoy their breasts being touched.
If I assumed that because we were official, I could do whatever I wanted with my date’s body, I’d be sent packing pretty fast.
This keeps me remembering that I don’t own my partner, I don’t have possession over their body, and if I want to do something sexual with them, I have to ask first.
Does that mean sometimes I don’t get to do the physical thing I want to with them? Yes. Have I died as a result? No.
Have I still had fulfilling sexual relationships? Of course – especially because my dates know I respect their limits.
2. Actually Listen
I recently overheard a bro tell another bro, “At home, I just agree with my wife and then do the opposite.” This is straight-up misogyny as a form of dude-bonding: His wife’s opinion is never worth listening to.
Don’t be that guy around your friends, and make sure your person knows you value her opinion.
If you’re tired and you really need quiet, just say so, gently : “Hey, can I get five minutes to myself? I had a long day, and I need to decompress.”
But then come back in five minutes and show up to listen to her if she’s expressed a need to vent.
3. Respect Your Partner’s Autonomy Over Their Body
My partner and I decided early on that we wouldn’t clean each other – you know, pick lint off each other’s shoulders, brush away an eyelash from each other’s cheeks, fix that stray hair that keeps poking out.
Instead, if we see something that needs cleaning, we tell each other, just like you’d tell someone there was broccoli between their front teeth. You wouldn’t clean the broccoli out of their teeth yourself – that would be a violation, and also gross.
We’re in a long-term, trusting relationship, but our bodies are still our own, and they’re our individual responsibilities.
Instead of taking it upon myself to clean her, as if her body is just an extension of my own, I let her take care of herself. That helps us maintain boundaries, but it also helps us respect each other as separate, grown adults.
To read more please follow : https://everydayfeminism.com/2017/02/practicing-feminism-with-partner/